Obama authorizes 40,000 troops

From AP Washington: Obama expands the war

Soldiers of the Great United States, a grateful nation salutes you.  Once again, it is up to you, the good men and women of our armed forces to protect America from its great enemies.

Sadly, I come to you today with news that our oldest enemy is attacking the State.  We MUST ACT NOW.  This enemy is relentless in its mission to destroy not only our Country, but my Presidency.  That enemy, old as time itself, is MATH.

As any 4th grader can tell you, the greatest enemy to mankind IS Math.

Why can't we have free healthcare for everyone? 

MATH!

Why can't everyone in the country buy a house they cannot afford?

MATH!

Why can't Harry Reid get my Socialist (ahem) I mean Public Option Healthcare Program through the Senate?

MATH AGAIN!

How long ladies and gentlemen do we stand by and let the evil forces of math destroy our country and my agenda?  NO MORE I say!  This will NOT STAND!

As of Today I am declaring all out full scale war on MATH!

Just think of the world we can create without Math!  Everyone gets a house!  Free Healthcare for EVERYONE!  No more poverty and injustice!  ALL WITHOUT MATH!

I ran as a multiplier not a divider!

I ran for addition NOT subtraction!

We cannot allow this tyranny of math go unchecked.  We must stop it.  Math, Man's oldest enemy, must be stopped and STOP IT WE WILL!

As of today, I am authorizing 40,000 troops to be immediately deployed in the REAL war on Terror, the war as old as mankind itself.  The WAR ON MATH.

Soon my friends, we will live in a world where math will no longer keep us enslaved to its cold relentless logic.  Join me in my fight and we can destroy Math forever!  We are the change we were waiting for.

Thank you, and God Bless America.